my thoughts exactly

secret getaway

2008-03-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

When I was still living with my parents, I've always wondered why my dad would almost always be up by 3 or 4 in the morning even on weekends when my brother and I don't have classes. It's not like he needs 2 or 3 hours to prepare food for us and for mom but he always wakes up at those strange hours.

Now, I have a vague idea why. You see, it's just 4 in the morning and I'm already here in front of my laptop doing absolutely nothing but thinking and posting. I'm not preparing for work yet. I'll probably do that in about an hour and a half from now. I still haven't had my coffee but I'm wide awake and my brain is already quite active. It's really strange waking up this early because I'm quite used to 6AM-wake-ups. But, you know what's even stranger? It's the fact that my head is clear and I can hear my thoughts better than ever.

I guess it's because there's not much to occupy one's mind at these early hours of morning. It's very easy to listen to your own thoughts because there's no work or any other things to distract you from listening. You see, as of the moment, Mateo and Andrea are safely and soundly sleeping beside me without a care in the world. And with work not less than a few hours away, I feel so relaxed and peaceful that it almost feels so surreal. I can hear my thoughts more clearly! I guess that's why my dad likes it so much. It's his very own space and time for himself and for his thoughts. Now I understand! This is his own secret getaway where he could listen to himself, organize his thoughts, and put a perspective on things.

I just hope this means that his wisdom is rubbing off a little on me, because it's either this or insomnia.

still here

2008-03-18T05:38:00.000-07:00

It's been nearly a year since I last thought about leaving school to find work somewhere else, but I guess I really didn't have the heart to leave.

So I'm still here, teaching, just like what my heart tells me to do. Of course, it was a huge help that the school gave us a little leeway in our financial dilemmas. But with mateo's growing demands for time and attention, I guess andrea and I are really staying here for good.

So for all my students, you can say goodbye to the idea of me leaving. I'm just not quite sure if that's a good thing for everyone, but yes, I'll be here to stay... Hahaha!

A letter to my students

2007-03-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

To my dear students,

Even when I'm not with you anymore, I hope you'll remember that:

The lessons you've learned in between classes are far more important than the lessons you learned during class. The previous makes you a better student while the latter makes you a better person.

No one can tell you what you can or cannot do except you so choose to believe that you can do anything. Challenges may give you pause, but they should not cause you to quit.

Don't be afraid to make fun of yourself sometimes. Laugh at yourself. This will break down the barriers that you subconsciously put up to protect yourself from humiliation. It's okay to make mistakes and be humiliated more than once. Remember, no one expects you to be perfect because no one is.

Never waste opportunities. Don't let pride or fear stop you from experiencing everything that life has to offer. Don't forget. You only get to live once!

Learn to value time. It is just too short to waste on hesitations and what ifs. Before you know it, you won't have any left.

I could go on forever... There are so many things I want you to remember but I guess the most important is - you guys don't forget to enjoy. Enjoy the accomplishments and the triumphs (especially the hard-earned ones). These will provide you with strength to go on during times of hardships. Enjoy the defeats as well, the sorrows and even all the difficulties. These will give you a better sense of appreciation for the what could've been times. Enjoy life no matter what for it is a short enough one-way journey. This way, when you are already on your deathbed, you won't have an ounce of regret. Instead you will have a whole lifetime of joy-filled memories to remember - to relish till your last breath.

to stay or not to stay

2007-03-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

For the past few days. I've been busy with catching up... at work and at home. Yet, my mind is constantly pre-occupied with so many other things.

One main concern I keep thinking about is career change. It's already the last leg of the school year and I haven't come to a decision yet. Do I stay or do I look for some other work (something a bit more financially rewarding)? I'm torn between my love for teaching and my responsibilities to my family. Aahhhh! Olats! If only the education industry in the philippines provides the same compensation as the corporate industry... (I guess that's why a lot of educators in the philippines are looking at the prospect of finding a teaching position in the west.)

One more thing - if I decide to change career then there's a big chance that andrea, mateo and I will be moving out of our house to a different location (either closer to work or to our parents). Hay! A lot of things are riding on this one decision. Principles, obligations, love and dedication. Huhuhu! I'm really starting to sound like a blabbering crybaby.

To stay or not to stay - that is the question. Unfortuntely, there's no easy answer.

blog rants

2007-03-09T07:43:00.000-08:00

I've looked at several blog templates recently but I still haven't found the right one for me. What I'm trying to find is something that takes up almost the whole width of the page, is composed of only 2 columns, highlights an area for a landscape pic, is plain with just minimal color gradient or maybe just has a monochrome background (not distracting at all), sports a good contrast between the background pix and the posting area, and is HTML newbie-friendly.

So far, most templates I've seen provides very limited space for the posts wasting so much space for plain, boring and unused borders. Makes me wish I could meticulously edit HTML codes. Unfortunately I couldn't.

A plea for aid: Is there anyone out there who knows of a blogger template with the said descriptions oe where I could download one? (Should be free too!) Or who knows how to solve this problem by editing the HTML codes for the template? Any help would surely be appreciated.

lonely 7th anniversary

2007-03-07T07:24:00.000-08:00

It has exactly been 7 years since andrea and I hooked up together. And among the 6 annivesary celebrations we've had, I have to say that this year's is one of the most not-so-extravagant we've experienced. All the financial worries are giving us a hard time. In fact, andrea approached me earlier and I could see that she was really feeling down and lonely. She asked me, "don't you feel lonely?". I paused for a while and then I told her...

"A month and seven years ago, I thought I to myself, I want this woman to be my wife. 7 years ago I said I want to live in a place far from the people we know - just me and her. 7 years ago, I told myself she's the one I want to start a family with... Finally I answered her NO! I'm not lonely. Not the least bit. There couldn't possibly be any reason for me to feel lonely. You agreed to marry me. We're living in a house far from our families (that we may not own yet but it still is ours until June). And with Mateo, we're now a family. I may not be the richest man on earth but I am certainly one of the happiest. And that's because you love me!"

And then she stared at me, laid her head on my shoulder and wept silently. It was not the most extravagant celebration of our anniversary but it certainly was one of the most memorable.

farewell thrall

2007-03-06T14:24:00.000-08:00

To make room for data and to free up some memory in our laptop, I decided to unistall my warcraft III frozen throne game. I told andrea that it's my way of turning over a new leaf... Now I can't remember why in the world did i make such a decision? Now it's gone.

It has not been a week since I deleted the files and yet I already miss the game. That was the only game I was ever addicted to in college. I also played counterstrike, Jedi Wars, Starcraft and even Battle Realms, but none of these games even interested me enough to make me buy a pirated copy to install in my computer. Only Warcraft III gave me enough excitement and appeal to motivate me into doing that. I was even shortly tempted to buy the original copy just so I can play the battlenet version. (Good thing I didn't) Now it's gone.

Oh well, there's no use crying over spilled milk. I guess I just have to wait for Warcraft IV... Although with the way things are in Blizzard right now, I figure it's going to be a long wait.

Huhu! Goodbye Warcraft! Goodbye Priestess! Farewell Thrall!

tough getz going

2007-03-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

Recently, we came across a car show in SM City. This time, instead of a sedan, a hatchback was being featured - the Hyundai Getz. Now, if you read my previous post about the Aveo sedan, you'll see that it takes a lot for me to get impressed by a car. So initially, I wasn't at all with the Getz, but my wife egged me to take a closer look.

Up close, this Hyundai subcompact car looked interestingly sporty. The interior brandishes the same two-tone color and texture that we loved in the Aveo sedan. The space ofcourse was incomparable to the sedan but amazingly enough, when I jumped in the driver's seat, I was surprised to find a spaceous leg room. The 3-spoke steering wheel lacks the music control buttons in the Aveo but otherwise feels good to touch. It will still take a bit of getting used to with the dashboard controls though but it doesn't look bad at all. The plastic material of the dashboard gives a synthetic (but almost cheap) feel to the touch. After all, let's not forget. It still is an econocar.

Outside, the car looks less feminine than the Picanto. It has an angrier looking front face. The black trims across the body (body side molds) add excellent contrast to the color and give a more sophisticated look to the Getz (something that the Picanto designers could definitely look into).

The engine, on the other hand, is definitely a stride slower than the Aveo sedan's. The Getz sports a 1.1 L displacement SOHC engine - a rather poor comparison to the Chevy's E-TEC II DOHC engine (VTEC equivalent in Honda). But then again, the Aveo Sedan is not an econocar. Chevy's econocounterpart, which is the Spark, I feel will not hold a candle to the Getz at all so I did not compare it to the Spark at all. Furthermore, the Getz showcases different engine variants. It comes in 1.4 L and 1.5 L versions, with the latter sporting the CRDi DOHC type. (The CRDI technology is the same technology used in european top cars like BMW, Mercedez and Audi.)

The price, however, is a serious consideration. The P468,000 1.1 L Getz costs even less than the 1.1 L Picanto (P490,000). That for me is a big advantage for the Getz. However, the 1.5 L version with the CRDi DOHC engine, comes with a price tag of P628,000 - a slight disadvantage because at this range, it will be taking on the much bigger competitors like the Honda 1.5 L VTEC City (P700,000) or the 1.4 L E-TECH II Aveo sedan (P640,000), or even the 1.5 L G VVTi Toyota Vios (P687,000).

For a while I seriously considered buying the Getz... but then again I remembered why I didn't take the Aveo Sedan in the first place - obligations. Huhu!

cable internet

2007-02-26T19:46:00.000-08:00

When andrea got pregnant, we knew and agreed that she would stop working after giving birth. This posed a major concern for us because it takes our combined salary to pay off all our bills and expenses. The search for a solution led us various work-from-home jobs. Andrea saw a lot of opportunities to earn money right at the comfort of our home (without leaving). It looked promising! The catch - a high-speed internet connection was required.

This prompted us to look for the cheapest high-speed internet provider available at that time. We compared the leading providers: PLDT myDSL, Globe wireless Broadband, Zippidee by SkyCable, and SmartBro Wireless Provider.

At that time, PLDT required an existing phoneline before allowing subscription. Since the house did not have a line yet, purchasing one with DSL connection would be similar to paying for 2 phones. It just seemed too impractical. Globe broadband, on the other hand, because of the need for hotspots, did not appeal as a practical choice as well. Zippidee, which was actually one of our top choices unfortunately would not allow us a subscription because our area is still not within reach of SkyCable company, thus, narrowing our choices down to SmartBro.

Now, almost a year after subscribing to SmartBro, PLDT is offering a new promo - a phoneline and internet connection for less than P800 per month. Globelines is also showcasing the same combo for a slightly higher fee of 900. With all the cheaper subscriptions today and our not so satisfying experience with SmartBro, I think back and ask, did we make the right choice?

sick again

2007-02-26T17:42:00.000-08:00

Not yet recovered from my absence yesterday, here I am again not going to work today. All the previous nights of very little sleep has taken its toll on my health. I'm now sick.

Like the usual mornings we've had since Mateo came, I was already up by 4 am. Mateo had apparently worn his mom out the whole night. With only one eye remaining open, andrea begged me furiously to watch over the baby because she needed to rest badly. So I did.

Now, if only Mateo would lie down quietly and play with himself, I would have no problem taking care of him and getting some rest at the same time. But he would not. At least not recently. He used to be that way when he was still a few weeks old but he's in this stage right now where he sleeps very lightly, wakes up during odd times of the night, and cries when he's not being carried and swayed constantly when he's awake. I'm not entirely sure if this is a developmental stage or an effect of his lab test last weekend.

You see, for the past few nights after his VCUG procedure, he's been more irritable than usual. As a result, he's been testing andrea's patience to the limit (and mine too). We've also stayed up a lot longer than before. Maybe this is why andrea and I are feeling a little out of the weather lately. Huhuhu! My head hurts and I've resorted to drinking pain relievers again just to get some relief from the throbbing. I'm sick again! Huhuhu!

milk mobile

2007-02-26T14:34:00.000-08:00

It's light and it's blue. It has 8 wheels and a cup holder. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the new milk mobile...

Yes, it is the latest accessory that andrea and I bought for Mateo. Well, actually not for Mateo really but for us. We figured that the best way to solve our problem of getting stuck in the house all the time is not to invite friends to share the outside world with us but to bring Mateo out into the outside world. Not to mention, it gives our arms a much needed rest from all the weight lifting that we do with him. Yes! Finally, we're mobile again.

The stroller that we got for Mateo was not what andrea had in mind before. What she wanted originally was the reversible type that comes with a tray; and if possible, a carseat as well. I, on the other hand, couldn't get over the bulkiness of the whole concept stroller that she had.

What I wanted for Mateo was something smaller, lighter and slimmer - an umbroller. And after months of going through all sorts of stroller in different malls, this is exactly what we got for Mateo. Last Sunday, in Shopwise Antipolo, we bought him one so we could finish our grocery with functional arms. And so far, with our limited experience with it I couldn't say anything bad about it. Go milk mobile.

homebody

2007-02-26T02:10:00.000-08:00

Today, I was supposed to go to school early because I needed to assist my class for their presentation. But instead of getting up early, I woke up late. The reason - Mateo decided to get up a lot earlier than us. He was already awake at 4 am and was determined to keep us up with him. I wanted to keep my eyes shut and just let andrea take care of things but she wasn't feeling well. So I ended up staying at home and not going to work at all.

Now, at the end of the day I feel kinda guilty - not for being with my family but for leaving my students on their own. Does this mean I've lost my sense of responsibility to the school? Does this mean I've lost my effectivity as a teacher? Is this a sign for me to relinquish my position and look for something else? But if that's the case, what type of work would give me enough financial benefits and yet allow me to spend time with my family?

Anyway, I haven't decided on anything final yet. I'm still hopeful that I could come up with a solution that would be beneficial for everyone - for me, for the students, and for my family.

when the going gets tough...

2007-02-25T15:41:00.000-08:00

Due to Mateo's unexpected illness and hospitalization, our expenses just shot up several notches higher. This coupled with the fact that I am always late for work trying to balance baby duties, house chores, and work compounds our problem. With my deductions from lates equalling that of an absence or 2, my paycheck is considerably reduced. Huhu!

Moreover, our groceries are not what they used to be. What used to be a P1,500 grocery trip for 2 weeks has now climbed up to almost P2,500 with the inclusion of Mateo's milk and diapers. (A kilo of milk lasts him only 2 weeks even when alternated with breastfeeding. He's a real milk monster.) And yesterday, our groceries even reached a record high P3,800. Huhuhu! This happened because we finally bought him a stroller. We couldn't carry him anymore because our arms are giving out from his weight. We couldn't finish our grocery-shopping with him in our arms so there... we bought one. (just when we thought our expenses couldn't get any worse)

Well you know what they say. When the going gets tough... buy a stroller!!!

relieved

2007-02-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my son became familiar with the painful world of medicine...

Just before 7 am, he was subjected to a medical procedure that urologists call VCUG (Voiding Cystourethrography). The name sounds scary and the whole procedure is even scarier. It entails administering a dye (for contrast) using a catheter. (Talk about torture!) An X-ray machine then determines the path of the dye through the bladder. This test is supposed to check if the urine inside the body flows the way it's supposed to. If there are abnormalities in the kidney, ureters, or bladder, the urine would flow abnormally. Fortunately for Mateo, the results of his VCUG cleared out any possibility of structural abnormalities. The diagnosis - his UTI was caused by his immature bladder (which was apparently still normal for his age).

Thank goodness my son won't be undergoing any surgery. Yehey! We were so relieved. The doctor expects his bladder to work better as he ages, but to prevent a second infection though, he recommends circumcision ASAP. He also prescribed an antibiotic for a whole year to make sure Mateo's UTI does not recur. Huhu!!!

After his VCUG, we went to Mateo's pedia right away. We weren't actually planning on giving him a shot but when his pedia saw that he was ready, he was given his second vaccination (Hepa B). Afterwards, upon reading the results of his VCUG, his pedia even suggested that he undergoes circumcision that same afternoon. My poor kid! He just got a shot in the leg right after getting catheterized and now he faces circumcision. Wawa naman! Worried of what might happen, andrea and I just decided to give Mateo some time to recuperate from the whole ordeal first. We decided to postpone the circumcision.

Anyway, andrea and I are thankful that the worst is over. At least Mateo will not be facing a major surgery anytime soon. With regards to the circumcision however, every man has to go through it. The only thing I regret is not being able to talk to him about it father-to-son.

my baby is ill

2007-02-18T18:38:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday night we visited Mateo's pediatrician. But instead of getting Mateo's vaccination, what we got was something more terrying - news that our baby might be facing a major surgical operation.

You see, last Wednesday, Mateo suffered from a fever of unknown cause. Without the slightest warning, our baby's temperature just suddenly went up around the latter part of the afternoon. His pedia suggested a sponge bath and an anti-pyretic. It did the trick. But at midnight the same day, the fever returned with a vengeance. Both andrea and I just panicked when we saw the thermometer reach 39.

My wife started to sob... Fearing that emotions might get the better of reasoning, I told Andrea sternly not to cry. "This is not the time to cry", I said, almost shouting. The truth was, I was afraid that her tears might just push me over the edge and make me give in to tears as well. We just couldn't afford that. Mateo definitely needed cool heads that time. There was no time to spare. We rushed him to the nearest hospital.

At the hospital, the doctor on duty examined him and requested for a complete blood count (CBC) and a urinalysis. Dengue was the first thing he wanted to eliminate as a possibility. Fortunately, it turned out that Mateo's platelet count was normal so dengue could not be the culprit. The real cause of the fever was still unknown. When the doctor noticed the lymphocytes were above normal parameters, he suspected an infection of some sort. Finally, it was the urinalysis that confirmed his guess. Mateo has urinary tract infection (UTI).

When his pedia found out about the UTI, she automatically referred us to a pedia-urologist in UST. (The moment she said she was recommending another doctor, my heart sank. I knew this was more serious that I thought.) In carefully chosen words, she explained to us the possible scenarios that Mateo could be experiencing and the possible treatments for each case. Frankly, no matter how mildly she puts it, each option she presents is like an axe that cuts me. Worse... she mentioned surgery and my heart just sank even deeper. Grabe, my 1-month-old son undergoing surgery. It was simply too hard and too depressing to take in.

This Saturday, we'll go UST to know what's wrong with Mateo once and for all. I just hope and pray that my baby is alright. For those reading this...please pray for my son too!!!

million peso dreams

2007-02-17T23:06:00.000-08:00

Here are the first 10 things that andrea and I dream of buying if ever we win the National Lottery:

A house big enough to accomodate us and our 4 kids (3 of which are still to be made).
A 250 square meter lot in the hills, closer to nature but not too far from the suburbs.
A new sedan... preferably a Honda city, a civic or even a Jazz (not for the looks but for the resale value).
Our own business ... something that will allow us to stay home and look after the kids.
A new laptop (with Intel Extreme inside, VISTA capable, and loads of graphics)
A new cabinet-type refrigerator - no frost, with ice maker and water dispenser.
A new cell phone preferably a PDA phone.
Our own siberian husky or german sheperd.
A bad-ass entertainment system (plasma TV, DVD player, speakers, etc. )
A billiard table complete with racks, sticks, and balls.

dream house

2007-02-16T13:32:00.000-08:00

When Andrea and I got married, we were already set on starting independently. But like what most Filipino couples do nowadays, we found a place to rent instead of getting a house of our own. It just seems like the more practical choice right now. You see we realized that if we make the house a pre-requisite for getting married then we'd end up tying the knot when we're already 40 years of age.

Why? Because our dream house is not the most affordable one. The ideal house that andrea and I often dream about would have the following:

Founded on at least 200 square meters of solid lot. (the bigger the better ofcourse)
At least 3 bedrooms (1 for andrea and me, 1 for the boys, 1 for the girls)
At least 2 toilet and bathrooms.
An excellent kitchen with a central table, gas range, and hood
A spacious living room big enough to accomodate at least 15 people for gatherings
A small library, or study room
A game room with a billiard table, darts, punching bag and a possible bar
A parking space with roof cover big enough for 2 cars
A basement or attic for storage area
A small landscaped garden with enough space for picnics or small parties
A backyard space to accomodate a basketball court (half court only)
Close enough to the hospitals, schools, malls, cinemas and other commercial areas but far enough from the pollution that they bring.

Bad news - our dream house will cost a fortune...
Good news is that we have it on a timeline.

crunch time

2007-02-16T12:24:00.000-08:00

As the school year draws to an end, I am faced with the reality that threatens the security of my family. My stint as a coordinator and advisory teacher comes to a halt as the school year ceases this April along with the extra money I get from them (which in truth is something we badly need right now).

Since Andrea won't be working till the baby is old enough to be left to the care of a katulong, I would have to be the sole provider for the time being. As it is, I'm barely getting enough for the house, the groceries, and for the gas. What little extra we have goes to Mateo and his things - diapers, milk, vitamins, and hospital visits. I don't even have money for possible emergencies like car breakdowns, towing, or (God forbid) hospitalization.

All these things weigh a heavy burden on my mind. And with school year coming to a close, things are becoming more and more complicated. I don't want to leave school because its been a part of me for almost four years already. Everyone there, from the owners to the manongs and ates and even the animals, I've already come to love. The students, I've already come to regard as my own (at least some of them). And although financially, I couldn't say I'm completely comfortable, I'm satisfied with everything else...

But still in the end, if it comes to a choice between my family and my satisfaction, I'd have to go with my family.

father's tears

2007-02-14T04:56:00.000-08:00

When I left home to start a new family with Andrea, I said goodbye to my parents face to face. That was when I saw tears form, for the first time, in the corner of my dad's eyes . It was a very sentimental moment but I never really understood those tears...until now.

2 nights ago, I shed the same tears...

When Andrea and I picked up Mateo and realized that he was slightly warmer than usual, we panicked and immediately groped for the thermometer. The moment the reading passed 38 degrees Celsius I just froze. It seemed like an eternity waiting for the darn thing to stop changing. And it finally did at 38.6. Panic, fear, and helplessness jumbled into one chaotic emotion. We started texting all of Mateo's lolos and lolas, his pediatrician, and some doctor friends for help and some answers. An immediate text reply from his doctor instructed us to give him an antipyretic, Tempra drops, every 4 hours till the fever subsides.

After 2 dread-filled hours, Mateo's temperature went down to normal. He started becoming all grouchy and hungry again. The little rascal went back to bugging us, crying loudly and guzzling incredible amounts of milk. And yet after being all tired and worn down from worrying, all I could do was sob...a father's tears...the tears of gratitude...

daddy blues

2007-02-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

Its only been a month since our baby Mateo has first seen light, but it already feels like a whole lifetime has passed since that faithful day. Andrea and I have changed so much that nothing now really seems distinctly familiar. From the morning kisses all the way to the goodnight hugs, the routine we learned to live by for more than a year was redone almost overnight.

A baby will change so much in your life - your daily activities, schedules,the food you eat, everything! In fact, Andrea and I have never gone on a date again ever since Mateo came. (Not that we used to go out often) Because no one else would be left in the house to take care of our little one, we eventually decided to remove such luxuries in our lives for now, or at least until our baby has built enough resistance to fight against bacterial and viral agents outside.

I know it sounds a lot like a bunch of complains but that is what's been happening. When I pictured myself as a dad, I saw the same me with the same exact things, same routines, same freedom and boundaries, except that I have a child. I didn't exactly picture these changes as part of being a daddy. I guess most would-be-daddies never saw this coming. Sigh! I can't wait till Mateo is strong enough to go out with us!

lessons for new parents

2007-02-05T08:44:00.000-08:00

Here are 10 lessons that Andrea and I learned when we became new parents:

1.) A 6-hour sleep is a luxury, easily more precious and far rarer than any gem.
2.) Night is indistinguishable from morning especially when you're baby-sitting. With the exception of the darkness and the absence of a lot of noise, they're basically the same.
3.) Mixing milk formula every 2 hours with eyes half-closed is a vital skill every parent needs to learn. This allows you to extend sleep for a few minutes.
4.) Not getting soiled when cleaning the baby after pooping or peeing is a dream. No matter how careful you are, you will get soiled.
5.) (for baby boys) The birdie is always armed and dangerous. Never assume it's not loaded or that you're already out of range.
6.) There is no such thing as a perfectly patient parent. No matter how long you stretch your patience, the baby will reach your limit.
7.) When you're parents or your spouse's parents ask to take care of the child for a little while, allow them. These are crucial opportunities to get the much sought after long hours of sleep.
8.) Babies cry for a reason... hunger, feeling of wetness, gas, irritation, or sometimes just to tick you off
9.) No matter how crappy you feel after a long hard day of work, the baby can take all that crappiness away with a little smile... and give you a whole new kind of crappiness in the evening.
10.) No matter how sucky it sounds being a parent, the baby is all worth it.

Star Drama Theater Presents ...

2007-01-30T07:28:00.000-08:00

Mateo Alexander

to be a dad

2007-01-27T14:06:00.000-08:00

When Andrea and I got married, we decided to start independently. We moved out of our parents' places, took all our things and settled far far away from the world we grew up with. It was, to say the least, a nerve-wracking change for both of us. And it took us the whole year to adjust to our situation.

Now, a year and a month later, we're again faced with a new and more if not equally challenging change... being parents, because last January 15, at exactly 1:40 pm, Andrea gave birth to our little angel, Mateo Alexander.

If if took me a great deal of patience, humility and self-control to become a husband, then I could just imagine what it would take to become a dad. But I'm not scared. I'm not worried at all because if being a husband gave me so much happiness, you can just guess how ecstatic I am to be a dad.

crossroads

2007-01-22T01:02:00.000-08:00

When I was still young I figured life would always turn out to be what I'd want it to be - a kind of philosophy that I considered both a gift and a curse that I got from my parents. I was taught to believe that a person can always will his/her own fate and happiness. In short, I was trained to be an optimist. And all my life, that's what I tried to be. Never thinking that I would fail, I willed myself into good schools and great jobs (but not without sacrifices and much hardships ofcourse!). The thing is, once my goals are set, I always push through and I've never missed a target. Not once... except now.

Why? What about if you have 2 goals? When the realization of one goal means the sacrifice of the other, which would you choose? In my case, here are the two goaIs: self-fulfillment in a non-lucrative career or financial stability for my family in the cold but deliberate corporate world.

My story...

I teach in a small, private, and (to say the least) unconventional school. It's a place where the teachers are asked to put in all aspects of themselves (creative, artistic, emotional, sensitive and more), where everyone wears malong on wednesdays, where 5 sciences are taught in elementary, where children with special needs go hand in hand with every other kid in their class, a place where excellence and kindness have reached a harmonious compromise. For four years I've found myself enjoying the company of kids and co-workers, feeling a different kind of fulfillment trying to influence changes in the new generation, acquiring more and more knowledge about all sorts of things, and discovering and rediscovering certain skills that I've already forgotten (like drawing and playing music). But not without sacrifice... financial sacrifice that is. (It's common knowledge here in the Philippines that the teaching career does not go well with the words lucrative or financially rewarding.) I've tried delaying worries about financial issues but I guess it can only be delayed for so long. It has become quite a pressing concern especially now that I've become a family man.

Concidentally, a friend offered me a position in a call center company he works for in Libis last Christmas vacation. A training specialist position, he said, is something that I could work with so I tried. The pay, the opportunities for climbing up the ranks, and even the medical benefits were excellent. The catch, however, is that you have to be able and willing to fire people who are not competent in their work. Don't get me wrong. I understand the need for employee competency in a company. It's just that telling people to go find another job somewhere else is entirely new to me. (In school, expulsion is the last resort - only, and I mean only, when absolutely all options are exhausted)

Anyway, because I don't want to keep the kids hanging, I declined the offer. But my friend told me that the same position will be vacant again this summer. And that's where I stand. Do I continue the life I've enjoyed for 4 years, trying to matter in the world as an educator but risking my family's financial security, or do I donn the corporate attire, leaving my co-teachers, friends and the children I've grown to regard as my own and finally be able secure my family's future and buy things I've never bought before for myself, my wife, and our new little angel?

Those are the two goals that I have. That's the crossroad where I stand.

choices

2007-01-22T00:58:00.000-08:00

Ever since I could remeber, my parents and grandparents have always wanted me to become a medical doctor. "You'd be the first one in the family", they'd always say. I guess if you hear that everyday, you tend to make the dream your own.

So I did. When I went to High School, I was already choosing to become a doctor. Although my first love was drawing, I never considered pursuing anything else but medicine. My pencil became nothing more to me than just a writing material when it used to be my most priced possession. (I drew for hours when I was a lot younger and filled several notebooks with sketches of different things - all of which my lolo, who happened to be quite an artist himself, found quite promising.)

I never looked back. I chose to take up Biology in UP as a pre-med course thinking that it would be the best option to prepare me for life as a doctor. And even with the lure of a DOST scholarship to take non-med related courses, there was no veering away from the path I chose. Unfortunately, because of lack of insight and maybe a bit of overconfidence, I never saw the whole picture. Since I always thought that I would make it to UP PGH, I never looked at any other medical school.It was too late to realize that it takes a whole lotta brain, focus, and maybe some blood relative alumnus priveleges (which I had none) to get in. Too bad I was lacking in all aspects. And when I realized that it would take a fortune to pursue the dream somewhere else, I gave it up. I chose another path - teaching.

When my college friend told me about joining their school, it had little appeal to me at first. But, when I was told that they wanted to engage in a new challenging curriculum I said what the heck! I'll give it a try. For a year probably, I said to myself. Then the next year came and I was still there. And then another year followed. I found myself laughing in the company of kids half (or sometimes even less) my age. I was playing, drawing and learning with the little rascals. I did not choose to enjoy their company, but I did. I am. I wish all choices end up with great consequences. Unfortunately, we're not all that lucky ... not all the time.

oh Aveo

2007-01-21T22:53:00.000-08:00

Everybody dreams of having their own car. Some go for the sporty-looking ones. Some go for the big ones - I mean the really mean-looking, and imposing road monsters. Others dream about petite, cutey, almost feminine econocars. Me, I just wanna have a new one.

It's not that I hate our red 1989 Mitsubishi Lancer. Heck, I love it. But, let's face it. A few years from now and it would pass as a vintage car.

Forgive me for sounding like I don't care for our car. Believe me I do. We've been though a lot together, and she's proven herself worthy in more than a few occasions. I just think that cruising is still going to be so different when you don't have to worry about overheating engines, malfunctioning air-conditioning system, or mysteriously self-unlocking doorlocks. (Yup - we've been through some freaky times together, but I still love her.)

It's just that I can't help but dream about something new. It's nice wondering about the feel of a brand new set of wheels - the sweet scent of new leather; the unique look and texture of the 2-tone black sporty seats; the smooth, non-sticky texture of a new dashboard; a bigger leg room; the grip of a sporty 4-spoke steering wheel with music control right at your fingertips; the gentle rock of new suspensions; the powerful roar of a VTEC-equivalent 1.4 L displacement engine; and ofcourse cruising at a pocket-friendly gas consumption rate of 19 km/L. Unfortunately, this dream comes at a hefty price - a whopping 640,000 pesos.

Yup! The dream I'm talking about is Chevy's new Aveo Sedan. GM's Chevrolet now competes with the best models of the 2006 sedans with its new member, the Aveo Sedan. With the close feel of a Mazda 3, this new Chevy goes head to head with the Honda and Toyota leaders of the Philippine market today - the City and the Vios.

The Dream Begins...

Last November, I almost bought one myself. Andrea and I were just walking in Sta. Lucia East Mall when we happen to come across a car exhibit. And there it was ... Chevy's new Aveo Sedan. To be totally honest, it was actually my first time to intently listen and talk to a car sales executive. I'm not sure if it was the car's total look, or its impressive features, but for some reason I was just so captivated.

Imagine! With a considerable P640,000 price tag, the Aveo Sedan comes with ABS (Antilock Breaking System) and EBD (Electronic Braking Force Distribution) System already. The E-tech II engine inside has a volume displacement of 1.4 L and sports the same valve-timing control as Honda's VTEC. Accessorizing the package, the Aveo Sedan has a pair of slightly more accented foglamps, a CD player (not a CD changer yer but it has a compatible jack for multi-media accesories like your ipods), and a set of sporty 14-inch alloy mags which adds a muscular and sporty look to it. To say the least, I was impressed. Don;t believe me? Just take a look. See for yourself.

I wanted to sign up an application form for a car loan so bad. (Optimistic side now on steroids!) If "the powers that be" deem that we should have it, then it will be given to us - at least that was my battle cry. So I went ahead. I signed.

The Dream Thickens ...

After a week, 3 banks called us and told us about our loan. IT WAS APPROVED!!! OMG! I was going to get my new Aveo Sedan. But I had to be calm. Approved applications don't automatically mean free cars. I had to approach the whole thing objectively. I wasn't about to bury us in debts. I had to seriously consider the FINANCES.

So hoping we would find something similar but less costly, my wife and I went and looked for different car dealers for other models and other brands. Alas, we found no model that came relatively close to the Aveo Sedan except for one. Honda's 2006 City was probably the Aveo's toughest rival. The exact model of the City that matched the Aveo's specs was nothing less than Honda's top-of-the line City model. It was a 1.5L VTEC-powered City that was priced at P700,000 bucks. The catch with this rival City - the downpayment. With the same financial scheme as that of the Chevy, the initial cash out was 50,000 - 80,000 more. It seems that the choices were slowly being narrowed down... or so I thought.

The Dream is Interrupted ...

So why in the world am I still driving the red lancer? Why didn't I buy the Aveo Sedan? ... The answer, which came to us as a surprise realization, was very simple. We're expecting a baby this January. And without an idea of how much our expenses could just shoot up with the arrival of our most awaited angel, I just couldn't risk it. I just had to give up the dream... at least for now.

The Dream Continues ...

Whenever I drive I still couldn't stop thinking about how different it would feel driving in the Aveo. I'll give up the dream for now, but I promise I'll have a new car. Maybe next year, maybe the year after next... someday...
Nyahaha! I want the car already!!! Oh Aveo !!!

goodbye old friend

2007-01-18T01:05:00.000-08:00

With all the demands of work and play depending more and more on electronic computing nowadays, one has to consider computers a basic neccesity already. Believe me, I know. Ours was the generation caught between the traditional and the techy way of learning. As a matter of fact, I only became closely acquainted with the Internet during my last year in College because I was forced to use it for my thesis. Very few encounters with it before that (well maybe except for computer classes in HS).

The countless hours (and money) constructing the texts and graphs for the thesis drafts were the reasons my parents gave in to my request. It was, I told them, my ticket to graduation. So there, I got my first desktop - with a Pentium IV 1.5 GHz processor, 64MB GeForce MX 400 video card, 30 Gigabytes of Hard disk and a 128 MB DDR memory. (The video card was not for the thesis but for those tough moments when one has to take a rest.)

Now, 5 years after, our PC (which is now mine because my parents gave it to me when I left the house), decided to finally take a rest. After all the paper works, countless computing, video playing, and hardcore gaming, it succombed to old age.

We shared a lot of good memories you and I. But I guess you're time is up. Goodbye old friend! (Good thing we now have a laptop! Hehe!)